The most powerful tool a parent has to influence their children, is their own nervous system.
When we ground ourselves and take responsibility over our own dysregulation we not only offer our children a model for calmness, we also make better parenting choices.
It's far more effective to be calm and receptive than to be angry and reactive.
And calming our bodies is infectious (just like we get infected by our children's upset bodies.)
It can feel like doing "nothing" in a world that values control so deeply, but watch what happens to your children and to your relationships with your children when you take the time to be grounded and compassionate, instead of reactive and directive.
Do it consistently (and I mean REALLY commit to trying it) and I promise you two weeks and you will have a very different influence and rhythm with your child.
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In this video, learn how to help your children calm down during moments of intense emotions by providing them with compassion and time.
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In this video, learn why it's important to focus on soothing and supporting kids' emotions before trying to teach them, as strong emotions take energy away from the brain's thinking and processing areas, and how you can use co-regulation and language to help them grow once they've calmed down. Remember to "Connect before you correct," as Dr. Karyn Purvis said.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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