If you offer empathy to someone in an angry state it will help them feel seen heard and connected to you. But if you offer that empathy to someone in an angry state who has abusive mentalities... It won't work.
Someone who relates to other people through power and control, or an abusive mindset, uses anger to justify intentionally hurting others.
Anger is a valid thing in all healthy relationships. But using your anger to justify harmful behavior is abusive and not ok.
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In this video, relationship expert explains how the instinct to push away when wanting to be close is called "protest" behavior in attachment research, but in couples counseling, it is often referred to as sabotage, and shares the most effective way to bring your partner close is to express your desire for connection.
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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Discover why responding attentively to your young children won't make them weak, self-centered and dependent adults, as research shows that emotional attunement and responsiveness from caregivers helps children feel safe and develop better awareness and focus in relationships, whereas ignoring their emotional needs leads to heightened fear states that make it hard for them to learn the nuances of relationships - check out the recommended studies to learn more and trust your instincts for care.
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