I am always looking for ways to help us parents grow our compassion and empathy for our children (and see how effective it is for managing behaviors through co-regulation).
Today at Denver International Airport I got another one. We had a 6.5 hour delay for a flight and there were hundreds of other Southwest flights that were cancelled entirely.
People were upset. Like for REAL. You could tell we were minutes from physical violence.
People had been there for DAYS.
But no punches were thrown because this one incredible gate attendant gently parented the crowds with such incredible honesty, empathy and patience that I actually cried. It was beautiful.
And people felt heard and seen and it calmed their nervous systems despite the fact that things were still massively disappointing.
The grownups needed understanding and empathy to regulate their nervous systems, imagine how much more overwhelming it is to children who don't even have a fully developed prefrontal cortex to work with.
Accepting a child's emotions (or an adult's emotions) is not permissive of dangerous behavior. It's soothing and helps prevent eruption of behavioral responses.
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In this video, the speaker discusses the challenges of managing anger when recovering from a childhood where anger was out of control, but emphasizes that anger is a normal and necessary feeling, and our children need empathy and support to learn how to manage it, rather than being labeled as abusive. Additionally, the speaker suggests seeking care to separate past trauma responses from present situations for both yourself and your children's wellbeing.
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Teaching healthy conflict resolution to our children means modeling it for them, which requires communicating and connecting through conflict without fighting dirty or being violent.
In this video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of attuning to children's inner world to build a secure attachment and suggests occasionally checking in with kids about their needs for love and affection, particularly during developmental leaps, to ensure that the love we give them is getting through in the way we intend it to.
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