1.
One of the most important roles we play in our children's lives is the role of assisting with emotional regulation.
Because their brains are still developing they need to borrow our calmness and groundedness when they are emotionally flooded.
This is FAR easier said than done. Especially if you are highly sensitive or if you are an abuse survivor.
Remember these three things to help you stay calm and available to your kids:
1. It's not my job to make their feelings go away, it's my job to teach them about their feelings and how to feel them
2. What I felt BEFORE their meltdown is my body state, I can return to that and still care about their feelings (differentiation)
3. All feelings pass
Hang in there parents, the more you do this the easier it gets!!
Teaching healthy conflict resolution to our children means modeling it for them, which requires communicating and connecting through conflict without fighting dirty or being violent.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
A message to all fathers: keep going with your efforts to connect with your children because they desperately need to see what a healthy, connected, caring male looks like, and it will create a secure attachment that fosters resilience.