Restraint Collapse: Aka Why Your Children Fall Apart After a Day Away from You

No items found.

Kids hold it together during the day at school and camp and daycare and grandma's house because they instinctively trust you to hold their tenderest emotional states. It's called RESTRAINT COLLAPSE.

Your attachment relationship is the place they feel the most comfortable expressing their strong feelings.

So many things happen during their days that they don't have the time or the secure place to feel and process, so those things come out at the end of the day with you.

But not always directly. Sometimes they go sideways about something seemingly small because they just don't have executive functioning skills to connect their emotional state to something that happened hours before.

When your kids get home and start melting down, offer them compassion and a safe place to be emotionally messy. And a protein snack. And be kind to yourself, you're not failing, you're their safe place.


Join the Attachment Nerd Herd

Complete access for $29

Similar to what you just watched

The Thing You Struggle Most to Accept About Your Child

In this insightful video, you'll learn why your children aren't reflections of you, but rather a reflection of the things you haven't yet accepted about yourself, and discover helpful strategies for dealing with triggers related to your child's behavior.

When You Have to Leave and Your Child Won’t Calm Down

In this video, the speaker discusses "Compassionate Transportation," a technique for safely and empathetically getting children to cooperate when they are overwhelmed by emotions and immediate actions are necessary.

How to Help an Upset Child Calm Down

Learn how to help your child process their emotions and build a deeper connection with them by following these three simple tips, which can help switch their neurochemistry from panic or despair to safety and connection.