One of the greatest challenges a couple goes thru in their attachment is the immense constant work that comes with having children.
I have been lucky enough to share a partnership where we both work some and both stay at home with the kids some. This has allowed us a deep understanding of what it feels like on each side.
But many of my clients have not had this privilege and have gotten stuck in some dangerous failures of understanding, especially around the idea that one partner "works" and the other "stays home".
Both people are working. Childcare is WORK.
Today I encourage everyone to reflect on the reality a partner laboring to care for children endures everyday, without being paid a single penny for their gargantuan efforts.
(Next message will be on behalf of the person who works outside of the home)
Supporting a trauma survivor's felt safety means being present with empathy and patience, providing a space of safety to help calm their dysregulation and offer them a secure and grounding attachment relationship.
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Learn how to strengthen your relationship and become more securely attached by reframing conflict as an opportunity to discover new things about yourself and your partner, and find out how naming your fights can bring levity and help you avoid repeating them in this insightful video.
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In this video, the speaker discusses the challenges of managing anger when recovering from a childhood where anger was out of control, but emphasizes that anger is a normal and necessary feeling, and our children need empathy and support to learn how to manage it, rather than being labeled as abusive. Additionally, the speaker suggests seeking care to separate past trauma responses from present situations for both yourself and your children's wellbeing.
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