The myth of parental control is so prevalent in our culture and our mindsets it is a hard one to shake.
I struggle with its presence in my own mind daily.
But I know it's a myth. We are not in control of our children and if we relate through power and control, we do great harm to our children and our relationship with them.
But we are in control of how we respond to our children.
When we take our focus off controlling their behavior and onto how we respond with our behavior we can offer a far more secure attachment relationship for our children as they grow and mature into people who have greater neurological capacity for self control.
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The difference between consequences and punishment is important to understand, as consequences are the natural outcome of an action and necessary for learning, while punishments are intentional pain inflicted to control behavior, which can damage the parent-child relationship and hinder a child's growth towards internal security.
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Learn how to teach your kids the difference between insults and feedback, empowering them to take accountability for their actions and establish boundaries with bullies in this insightful video.
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The most helpful way for a child to understand boundaries is to model it for them, and as parents, we should also honor some of our children's boundaries as well to protect connection and safety, not power.
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