There are very few things quite as painful as being deep in contempt with the people you love. This insecure conflict pattern has a surprising root though that gives us a clear path forward for addressing the issue ... All contempt grows out of shame.
When we fear that we are bad (shame), our brains flip the narrative onto whoever we are upset with or feel threatened by, they become bad (contempt).
When you feel deep contempt with your partner or other attachment figures, ask yourself, "what shame am I afraid to address here?".
Then bring that shame as vulnerability to your partner so that you can work through your rupture with safe open communication and compassion.
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In this video, relationship expert explains how the instinct to push away when wanting to be close is called "protest" behavior in attachment research, but in couples counseling, it is often referred to as sabotage, and shares the most effective way to bring your partner close is to express your desire for connection.
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