Why We Feel Contempt towards our Partners When We Mess Up

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There are very few things quite as painful as being deep in contempt with the people you love. This insecure conflict pattern has a surprising root though that gives us a clear path forward for addressing the issue ... All contempt grows out of shame.

When we fear that we are bad (shame), our brains flip the narrative onto whoever we are upset with or feel threatened by, they become bad (contempt).

When you feel deep contempt with your partner or other attachment figures, ask yourself, "what shame am I afraid to address here?".

Then bring that shame as vulnerability to your partner so that you can work through your rupture with safe open communication and compassion.

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