Why We Feel Contempt towards our Partners When We Mess Up

No items found.

There are very few things quite as painful as being deep in contempt with the people you love. This insecure conflict pattern has a surprising root though that gives us a clear path forward for addressing the issue ... All contempt grows out of shame.

When we fear that we are bad (shame), our brains flip the narrative onto whoever we are upset with or feel threatened by, they become bad (contempt).

When you feel deep contempt with your partner or other attachment figures, ask yourself, "what shame am I afraid to address here?".

Then bring that shame as vulnerability to your partner so that you can work through your rupture with safe open communication and compassion.

This is some text inside of a div block.
No items found.

Join the Attachment Nerd Herd

Complete access for $29

Similar to what you just watched

Does Your Partner Have an Avoidant Attachment Pattern

Discover how to build a closer relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style by understanding their fear of burdening others with their emotions and needs, and by showing up for them in small ways in this compassionate and insightful video.

The Two Words I use When Someone I care About is Dysregulated

In this video, you'll learn that human beings are wired to co-regulate, and that words like "come here" or "I am here" used with gentleness and compassion can be deeply soothing and help our loved ones know that their emotional needs are not a burden to us.

Jealousy is a Complex Emotional State

Learn how to support your child when they feel jealous with these 3 essential steps - empathize, regulate, and guide - to help them understand and cope with this normal and complex emotion, in this insightful video.