When we see our children in emotional pain we want to help. And we often see the lesson that would have prevented the pain.
Teaching them these things is good.
But timing the teaching is key.
Only after they are past the emotional flooding will they be able to fully hear us and integrate that information.
Regulate your body and offer calming compassion and when you see their body take a shuddery release breath, give it a few more minutes....then talk about the idea or insight you think will help.
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In this video, Dr. Laura Markham shares practical tips on how to help kids and parents manage boredom by staying in a place of compassionate teaching, which involves expressing empathy, helping kids notice body sensations, developing the habit of seeing boredom as an unidentified need state, being patient, and teaching kids to discover their own options without collapsing into despair.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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Learn how to set compassionate limits with your child in a way that benefits their brain development and reduces reactive responses to emotions, with the timing varying depending on factors such as age, hunger, and consistency.
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