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Because we identify with our attachment loves (kids, spouses, parents, best friends etc) we are more likely to treat them the same way we treat ourselves.
If you find it easier to be kind and generous with strangers or acquaintances, it is likely about your own lack of self compassion, not something with your loves.
Try being more gentle with yourself and watch what happens with your instincts towards the people who matter most.
Learn how to motivate your children without resorting to harshness and punishment by turning up the volume on playfulness and engaging your child's whole brain in this insightful video.
Discover why responding attentively to your young children won't make them weak, self-centered and dependent adults, as research shows that emotional attunement and responsiveness from caregivers helps children feel safe and develop better awareness and focus in relationships, whereas ignoring their emotional needs leads to heightened fear states that make it hard for them to learn the nuances of relationships - check out the recommended studies to learn more and trust your instincts for care.
The myth that comforting your child will "spoil" them is not only emotionally harmful but also creates an altered brain state that leads to higher levels of stress and mental illness in adulthood, giving them compassion and comfort will only help them develop a healthier brain function.