Tweens and teens are going thru tremendous hormonal and neurological changes that affect their ability to regulate and modulate their impulses.
While this is triggering to our own nervous systems, they need our help regulating thru calm and caring responses to their reactions.
Respond, don't react. Otherwise you'll end up in a react and react back and react back cycle.
You can be calm and compassionate and still guide your teens into effective ways of communicating and relating.