When we are unable to reach our children through gentle and respectful requests (aka we ask nicely 16 times for something and it isn't happening), there is a temptation to pivot to harshness, threats, and punishments to motivate them.
Unfortunately, when we go that route, our behavior adds tension and fear into the learning process and limits the amount of our children's brains that are online.
Instead of turning the volume up on fear and punishment, turn the volume up on playfulness.
When we are playful we engage our child's whole brain. It makes learning easier and deeper. Plus you have more fun too.
(Costumes not required)
As parents, we want to protect our children from harm, but threats of violence may not be the best way to do so. Instead, we can be a refuge and a barrier for our children, offering comfort and support in times of need.
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In this video, you'll learn that a securely attached young child expresses their distress, seeks proximity to their caregiver, and calms quickly, and that this pattern of express-seek-soothe can be seen throughout our lifespan, with teens seeking friends, adults seeking romantic partners or close friends, but always involving the freedom to have an emotional need, be close, and receive comfort at every stage of life.
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The difference between consequences and punishment is important to understand, as consequences are the natural outcome of an action and necessary for learning, while punishments are intentional pain inflicted to control behavior, which can damage the parent-child relationship and hinder a child's growth towards internal security.
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