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Helping children learn honesty is a huge part of them developing a secure experience with us. But it's less about extinguishing lying and more about creating an environment for them to feel safe being open with us.
Three tips for helping create that environment:
1. Recognize and manage your own anxiety and any impulse to use honesty as a way to control your children. Honesty and pressure to perform don't mix easily.
2. Understand that lying is developmentally normal and has a wide range of variance. Don't treat all lies as psychopathic impulses. Teach and validate their wide ranging nuances.
3. Remember that honesty flourishes where messiness is understood and given empathy.
The myth that comforting your child will "spoil" them is not only emotionally harmful but also creates an altered brain state that leads to higher levels of stress and mental illness in adulthood, giving them compassion and comfort will only help them develop a healthier brain function.
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