We are not in control of the relationships between our children and their siblings, but we are in control of how we communicate about those relationships and whether or not our stuff gets in the way of them. Like so many other things in parenting the key to helping our children build healthy dynamics with each other is in our ability to be present, calm, accepting of all the emotions and to use connection tools to model and teach socially effective ways of relating. Not all siblings are destined to be bff's, BUT if we offer a secure environment, no siblings have to be at great odds with one another. Yes, there will be seasons of discord and moments of conflict, but if we can contain our own anxiety about those times, it leaves our kids free to figure out their relationships without pressure or burden from us.
Model for them your own consent process, and help them deeply understand the nuance of desire
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The myth that comforting your child will "spoil" them is not only emotionally harmful but also creates an altered brain state that leads to higher levels of stress and mental illness in adulthood, giving them compassion and comfort will only help them develop a healthier brain function.
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In this video, the speaker discusses how our culture tends to attribute behaviors and motivations to people's private parts, and proposes the term "Overgenitalization" to help us understand that violence and nurture do not come from a person's reproductive body parts, but rather from the environments and social experiences they are raised in.
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