Natural consequences are great teachers. IF our children have learned to be cued into their bodies signals. (A challenge that takes more time and effort for neurodivergent children with ADHD and Autism in particular).
The skill of interoception is an attachment related skill.
Children learn to make good choices for their bodies by learning to listen to the signals inside of their bodies.
When we punish a child or create more consequences to get them to do something we know is good for them, we are placing their attention away from their bodies, thus delaying the skill and not encouraging it.
Yes, this means being patient and attentive to our children in a world that is very task focused. But is there any other task more important than the task of teaching our children how to listen to and trust their bodies?
Guide and teach instead of punishing and preaching. Your child will feel safe with you and you'll feel less stressed too.
(Also p.s. I don't do this 100 percent of the time. Sometimes I am cranky and grouchy and tired. But I do try to do this most of the time and when I do, it's far more effective)
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Learn about the two sources that drive the desire to always be around people, natural extraversion and trauma response, and how recognizing the latter can help you find rest in solitude and process past relationships in this insightful video.
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In this video, you'll learn that one of the most important skills we can give our children is the ability to apologize and repair in a relationship, primarily by watching what we model, with the two important elements being the absence of shame and the presence of true understanding of what the other person felt or experienced as a result of our actions or inactions.
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Parenting can be tough, but taking a minute to reflect on your long-term goals and imagining your kids as adults can help guide your decisions and strengthen your relationship with them - remember to be kind to yourself and hold onto the vision.
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