When the human brain is flooded with emotions, it takes energy away from the thinking, processing arenas and puts resources towards our survival instincts.
This is why they are not able to learn and understand our directions or insights when they are in the midst of strong emotions.
When kids are deep in feeling, focus only on soothing and receiving their emotional states.
Because they are learning whether or not they can rely on your support and whether or not their tender needs will be met with care.
Once you have co-regulated and they have taken a big shuddery breath (a sign that their nervous system is sending inhibitory neurochemicals), you can use language and logic to help them grow.
In the wise words of the late great developmental psychologist Dr. Karyn Purvis: "Connect before you correct".
Only thing that you can be teaching your child in the midst of an emotional surge is that you are there for them. Yes, there are lots of other things that you can teach children about emotions and emotion management and how to cope with their feelings, but you cannot teach those things when they are in the midst of the flooding Brain is not set up to use logic and comprehension and acquire new skills.
When we are emotionally distressed. Think of emotional surges like wave. You can't stop a wave. Once it started, it must go up. It must crest and then come down. You can teach before the waves come up. Talk about feelings, talk about how we manage them. Teach square breathing. And after the wave has come down, you can also teach, talk about what happened, what the trigger was, what we could have done differently before and after.
The search, your child is flooded with emotions. Open up your body, calm it. Be receptive. Show them that you are confident that what this is will come up and go down, and there's nothing either of you need to do to make that happen other than just be present while it passe. I wanna be clear that I made this sound simple because in some ways it is, but I do not think it's easy, especially if no one ever did this for you.
But I promise over time it will create trust and will help your child regulate and they won't be so triggered in emotional moments cuz they won't feel pressured to not feel they will know that this is something natural that occurs and they have you right there supporting them.
Only thing that you can be teaching your child in the midst of an emotional surge is that you are there for them. Yes, there are lots of other things that you can teach children about emotions and emotion management and how to cope with their feelings, but you cannot teach those things when they are in the midst of the flooding Brain is not set up to use logic and comprehension and acquire new skills.
When we are emotionally distressed. Think of emotional surges like wave. You can't stop a wave. Once it started, it must go up. It must crest and then come down. You can teach before the waves come up. Talk about feelings, talk about how we manage them. Teach square breathing. And after the wave has come down, you can also teach, talk about what happened, what the trigger was, what we could have done differently before and after.
The search, your child is flooded with emotions. Open up your body, calm it. Be receptive. Show them that you are confident that what this is will come up and go down, and there's nothing either of you need to do to make that happen other than just be present while it passe. I wanna be clear that I made this sound simple because in some ways it is, but I do not think it's easy, especially if no one ever did this for you.
But I promise over time it will create trust and will help your child regulate and they won't be so triggered in emotional moments cuz they won't feel pressured to not feel they will know that this is something natural that occurs and they have you right there supporting them.
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