Harsh punishment and power and control tactics like yelling, punishing, and shaming can create behavioral changes in children. They become compliant But WHY?
Because they are scared of the punisher.
They "work" because they trigger a dissociative shutdown and make a child unsafe enough to feel powerless and therefore to freeze or cease actions.
And what else do harsh punishments do to children?
They teach children that relationships are about power and control and to relate thru abusive patterns. Which leads to adults who are either 1. Repeating the cycle of power and control or 2. Have deep self worth wounds...both requiring lots of time and work to heal and change.
Instead of trying to control your child's behavior, work on keeping your own need for control in check. Be compassionate with them and with you.
Yes, set limits, but set them lovingly and without creating fear for them.
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In this video, you'll learn that one of the most important skills we can give our children is the ability to apologize and repair in a relationship, primarily by watching what we model, with the two important elements being the absence of shame and the presence of true understanding of what the other person felt or experienced as a result of our actions or inactions.
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