Empathy is learned through RECEIVING empathy, and being surrounded by people who MODEL empathy, not thru being instructed to say "I'm sorry".
Here's how to guide a child when something they have done is hurtful to someone else.
1. Connect with them about the feelings that drove their behavioral choice
2. Model empathy for the person who was impacted by their actions
3. Collaborate with them to brainstorm repair and help them execute that repair
Rinse and Repeat. Hundreds of times.
The ability to be accountable for our actions and empathetic to the people who were negatively impacted is a highly complex emotional skill that takes time to learn. How many grown ups do you know that do it well? Most people were told to "say sorry" without any training on the complex process truly involved in taking accountability and making repairs.
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In this video, learn how to better support your children's emotional regulation by prioritizing connection over correction.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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Learn how to raise secure, well-regulated, and resilient children by focusing on teaching them how to live in community and develop close attachment relationships, instead of teaching them independence, in this enlightening video that emphasizes the importance of positive, supportive, and mutual relationships, and the role of trust in creating dependence.
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