One of the most prevalent fallacies in human development is the idea that if you respond attentively to your young children, it will form them into weak self-centered dependent adults.
The research indicates the exact opposite. When children experience emotional attunement and responsiveness from their caregivers it helps them feel safe, which in turn helps their brain develop more awareness and complex focus in relationships. When children's emotional needs are ignored, they develop heightened fear states that make it hard for them to learn the nuances of relationships. (check out the strange situation studies, and Es Tronick's Still Face Experiment, and the Adult Attachment Interview, and all the longitudinal studies done with all three tools).
You aren't spoiling your child when you comfort them, hold them, respond to them, and treat them with the same respect you would want in a difficult or need based moment.
Ignore the judgment and follow your instincts for care. I promise you won't regret it.
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The most helpful way for a child to understand boundaries is to model it for them, and as parents, we should also honor some of our children's boundaries as well to protect connection and safety, not power.
Learn how to break the cycle of generational trauma and cultivate a secure attachment relationship between you and your child by doing the healing work that you can, trusting the next generation to keep it going.
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Learn how trusting younger generations to make the changes they see necessary can help make the world a better place in this thought-provoking video about the role of parents and the importance of allowing children to explore the world fully.
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