Yes, it is one of our jobs as parents to do what we can to protect our children from anyone who intends them harm.
But, "I will do whatever I can to keep you safe" and "I will brutalize anyone who hurts you" are not the same thing.
The first sentence is protective. The second sentence is violent.
I have worked with countless survivors of sexual abuse and domestic violence who never shared their traumatic experiences with parent figures out of fear that their parents would tear their perpetrators limb by limb, which would only add to their trauma of witnessing violence, and potentially lead to their caregivers ending up on jail and not do anything to actually protect them or help them heal from the pain.
You can tell your kids, "I will always be here to get you out of harms way, and I will believe you, and be a refuge and a barrier between you and whoever has abused you".
This is protective and comforting to your kids, without being scary. We don't need to threaten to become their perpetrator's perpetrator in order to convey our dedication to their protection.
Hey there! In this video, I'm sharing a personal story about how I learned the importance of fixing things in parent-child relationships. I talk about owning up to my mistakes, listening to my kid's feelings, and making things right. Remember, it's okay to mess up; just be patient and don't be too hard on yourself. We're all in this together!
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Learn how to overcome compassion fatigue and repair your relationship with your kids by owning your failure, offering delayed compassion, and starting the dance of connection again in this powerful video.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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