The myth that comforting your child will "spoil" them is not only emotionally harmful for kids, its application actually creates an altered brain state that leads to higher levels of stress and mental illness in adulthood.
Neuroscience imaging has been able to correlate early childhood neglect and trauma with an enlarged amygdala.(higher reactivity) As well it has correlated secure attachment relationships with a thicker neocortex (better executive functioning).
So when your child is emotionally flooded, no matter if it is over a significant loss or something small, giving them compassion, proximity and comfort will only help them develop a healthier brain function and won't spoil anything except maybe someone else's perception of your parenting.
And if the choice is between your child's brain and someone else's approval...it's not much of a choice really.
Discover helpful tips for parents dealing with their child's panic attacks in this video. Learn how to provide a calming presence, navigate emotions, and support your child during these challenging moments.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
A message to all fathers: keep going with your efforts to connect with your children because they desperately need to see what a healthy, connected, caring male looks like, and it will create a secure attachment that fosters resilience.
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