Boredom is painful. For kids and for us parents who feel their agitation and the pull to agitate us as a way to regulate their bodies.
The key for our kids (and let's be honest for us too), is to stay in a place of compassionate teaching.
What does that look like?
1. Express empathy for what they are feeling
2. Help them notice the body sensations connected with boredom. (Dr. Dan Siegel says "Name it to Tame it")
3. Help them develop the habit of seeing boredom as an unidentified need state.
4. Be patient with them as this skill takes significant time to develop and master.
5. Instead of giving them options and entertaining them (rescuing them from the boredom), teach them how to discover their own options and tolerate the discomfort of boredom without collapsing into despair.
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In this video, you'll learn that a securely attached young child expresses their distress, seeks proximity to their caregiver, and calms quickly, and that this pattern of express-seek-soothe can be seen throughout our lifespan, with teens seeking friends, adults seeking romantic partners or close friends, but always involving the freedom to have an emotional need, be close, and receive comfort at every stage of life.
Struggling with your toddler's hitting behavior? This video offers practical tips and insights for parents, covering the underlying reasons for hitting, effective coping strategies, and considerations for each child's unique wiring and environment.
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In this video, the speaker discusses time outs from a perspective based on attachment research, emphasizing the importance of taking breaks to help reset our brains when we are dysregulated and the need for calm co-regulation rather than isolating with shame or pain as a lesson, adding that the lesson we want to teach is that our bodies need breaks sometimes to calm down so our brains can make good, safe choices - and this lesson applies to marriages as well!
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