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Helping our kids accept boundaries and limits is one of the most important tasks of a parent. Because all healthy relationships have boundaries and limits.
And just like the other things our children learn, the most helpful way for a child to understand a concept is for us to model it for them.
In a world that is so often focused on power and control we can get so focused on the message that children should respect their parents boundaries, and not even consider the fact that as parents we can honor some of our children's boundaries as well.
Healthy boundaries are about protecting connection and safety not about protecting power.
Take some time to consider a boundary that your child has tried to set with you. Something that does not prevent their health or safety, and will help them feel respected by you as a unique human that deserves to set their own boundaries as well as to respect yours.
Then do the work to respect it. Notice that it takes work to learn a boundary and use that information to grow your compassion when your children struggle to immediately follow yours.
In this video, learn why it's important to focus on soothing and supporting kids' emotions before trying to teach them, as strong emotions take energy away from the brain's thinking and processing areas, and how you can use co-regulation and language to help them grow once they've calmed down. Remember to "Connect before you correct," as Dr. Karyn Purvis said.
In this heartwarming video, a gate attendant at Denver International Airport demonstrates the incredible power of empathy and patience in de-escalating a tense situation during a 6.5 hour flight delay, highlighting how accepting and understanding a child's emotions (and an adult's) can prevent dangerous behavioral responses and soothe their nervous systems.
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