Helping our kids accept boundaries and limits is one of the most important tasks of a parent. Because all healthy relationships have boundaries and limits.
And just like the other things our children learn, the most helpful way for a child to understand a concept is for us to model it for them.
In a world that is so often focused on power and control we can get so focused on the message that children should respect their parents boundaries, and not even consider the fact that as parents we can honor some of our children's boundaries as well.
Healthy boundaries are about protecting connection and safety not about protecting power.
Take some time to consider a boundary that your child has tried to set with you. Something that does not prevent their health or safety, and will help them feel respected by you as a unique human that deserves to set their own boundaries as well as to respect yours.
Then do the work to respect it. Notice that it takes work to learn a boundary and use that information to grow your compassion when your children struggle to immediately follow yours.
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The difference between consequences and punishment is important to understand, as consequences are the natural outcome of an action and necessary for learning, while punishments are intentional pain inflicted to control behavior, which can damage the parent-child relationship and hinder a child's growth towards internal security.
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In this informative and practical video, learn how emotional flooding can disorient and lead us to push away those we need, and how to use the Letting go/Staying close method to support loved ones during these difficult moments by releasing pressure and standing back while staying open and supportive.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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