Lots of folks ask me about time outs...
My answer is based on attachment research (predictable međ).
Taking breaks is hugely important to help our brains reset when we are dysregulated. So YES to the reset and break part of a time out.
But we're adding to their dysregulation if we are trying to teach them by isolating them with shame or pain as a lesson.
Our nervous systems do best when we have calm people lovingly helping us to reset. (co-regulation).
The lesson we want them to learn is "our bodies need breaks sometimes to calm down so our brains can calmly make good safe choices.
Works for marriages too!
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As parents, we want to protect our children from harm, but threats of violence may not be the best way to do so. Instead, we can be a refuge and a barrier for our children, offering comfort and support in times of need.
Learn the power of modeling self-compassion to your kids, as it inspires authenticity and problem-solving, and helps them develop their own self-treatment based on how they see you treat yourself.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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