If you weren't privileged to inherit a secure attachment style in your childhood, then you are in my club of people who earn/learn their secure attachment style.
Here's the three phases of healing you'll need to work thru...
1. Reflect: on your early attachment relationships and how they impacted you
2. Grieve: feel the feelings of loss and pain related to not having secure relationships to lean on and find confidence in.
3. Grow: change your patterns of relating and work to learn new ways of showing up in your close relationships.
A message to all fathers: keep going with your efforts to connect with your children because they desperately need to see what a healthy, connected, caring male looks like, and it will create a secure attachment that fosters resilience.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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In this video, the speaker discusses the challenges of managing anger when recovering from a childhood where anger was out of control, but emphasizes that anger is a normal and necessary feeling, and our children need empathy and support to learn how to manage it, rather than being labeled as abusive. Additionally, the speaker suggests seeking care to separate past trauma responses from present situations for both yourself and your children's wellbeing.
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