This repost from early last year is for all of you who ask me the very important question of "how" do I help my child process their feelings. Follow these three tips regularly when your children are feeling the feels and watch them learn to trust you and connect to you in deeper and more satisfying ways for you both.
When you respond to their emotional pain and dysregulation with calm compassion, their nervous system absorbs your support and their brain can switch from a neurochemistry of panic or despair or shame into a neurochemistry of connection and safety.
P.s. I forgot to add captions but this video is on my page in my earliest videos WITH captions.. so if you are deaf or hard of hearing or have a sleeping baby on you, or are taking a mental health break at the office...scroll down until you see me in my blue 1987 Broncos sweatshirt
All right. Three tips for helping a kid calm down faster. One, make your body smaller. Get down on their level, their amygdala. The part of the brain that senses danger will calm down faster if it doesn't seem like there is someone three times their size trying to get them to do something. Two. Show empathy on your face.
If a child can tell that you are receiving what they feel, it will help them feel less alone and less worried that they will be misunderstood or cast out. This is a blank face. When children are upset, they register blank faces as threats, so your face needs to look like this. The number one reason I am not getting Botox.
Use your voice as a soothing instrument to help them tell that you are calm and you are there. It honestly doesn't even matter what you're saying. You could just say and repeat. I'm here. I'm here. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. And their brain will start to send signals of safety and as it starts to send signals of safety, they will get their thinking brain back.
Then and only then you can have a conversation. Don't try to fix it before. Best of luck. Big feelings are hard. You got this.
All right. Three tips for helping a kid calm down faster. One, make your body smaller. Get down on their level, their amygdala. The part of the brain that senses danger will calm down faster if it doesn't seem like there is someone three times their size trying to get them to do something. Two. Show empathy on your face.
If a child can tell that you are receiving what they feel, it will help them feel less alone and less worried that they will be misunderstood or cast out. This is a blank face. When children are upset, they register blank faces as threats, so your face needs to look like this. The number one reason I am not getting Botox.
Use your voice as a soothing instrument to help them tell that you are calm and you are there. It honestly doesn't even matter what you're saying. You could just say and repeat. I'm here. I'm here. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. And their brain will start to send signals of safety and as it starts to send signals of safety, they will get their thinking brain back.
Then and only then you can have a conversation. Don't try to fix it before. Best of luck. Big feelings are hard. You got this.
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Discover how to avoid power struggles and teach your toddler to attune to their bodies by using a natural consequence when they won't put on their coat on a cold day in this helpful video that emphasizes the importance of letting them feel the cold and learn from the experience, and seeking an evaluation with a psychologist if they struggle with interoception due to neurodivergent wiring such as autism or ADHD.
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In this video, learn three tips for navigating difficult moments in relationships, including acknowledging tension, expressing confidence in the relationship, and actively listening to the other person's perspective.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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