A securely attached young child has these three responses in moments of distress...
1. They outwardly expresses their distress
2. They actively seek proximity to their primary caregiver (can be through eye contact or crawling/running to them)
3. They calm quickly (within a few minutes) and maintain contact with their caregiver during that time until soothed
This same pattern can be seen in developmental variations throughout our lifespan but with the same three ideas...1. Express 2. Seek 3. Soothe.
(Teens may seek their friends or peers and adults seek their romantic partners or close friends but secure attachment always involves the freedom to have an emotional need, be close, and receive comfort at every stage of life).
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The difference between consequences and punishment is important to understand, as consequences are the natural outcome of an action and necessary for learning, while punishments are intentional pain inflicted to control behavior, which can damage the parent-child relationship and hinder a child's growth towards internal security.
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In this video, the speaker discusses the challenges of managing anger when recovering from a childhood where anger was out of control, but emphasizes that anger is a normal and necessary feeling, and our children need empathy and support to learn how to manage it, rather than being labeled as abusive. Additionally, the speaker suggests seeking care to separate past trauma responses from present situations for both yourself and your children's wellbeing.
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In this video, learn about 4 different parenting mindsets - power and control, behavioral, permissive, and attachment - to help you make choices based on your parenting goals when faced with tricky situations.
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