A securely attached young child has these three responses in moments of distress...
1. They outwardly expresses their distress
2. They actively seek proximity to their primary caregiver (can be through eye contact or crawling/running to them)
3. They calm quickly (within a few minutes) and maintain contact with their caregiver during that time until soothed
This same pattern can be seen in developmental variations throughout our lifespan but with the same three ideas...1. Express 2. Seek 3. Soothe.
(Teens may seek their friends or peers and adults seek their romantic partners or close friends but secure attachment always involves the freedom to have an emotional need, be close, and receive comfort at every stage of life).
Learn how to foster secure attachment with your child by being a consistently responsive and connection-focused parent, and don't beat yourself up for not being perfect - the important thing is to focus on repairing and staying dedicated to the relationship.
Learn how to handle the endless "why" questions from your child by turning it into a time of imagination, allowing them to wonder and theorize about things, rather than just providing an answer, which can foster a sense of connection and curiosity.
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In this video, the speaker discusses the challenges of managing anger when recovering from a childhood where anger was out of control, but emphasizes that anger is a normal and necessary feeling, and our children need empathy and support to learn how to manage it, rather than being labeled as abusive. Additionally, the speaker suggests seeking care to separate past trauma responses from present situations for both yourself and your children's wellbeing.
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