When we become truly close to people we also become deeply acquainted with all the things that make them human.
The initial idealism we feel wears off and we have to learn how to love in more complex ways. One of the skills all healthy relationships have is the ability to let go of the small things.
But sometimes the small things really bug us and feel big.
Then they turn into big things like harsh critical words or shaming comments or contempt.
Instead of letting the small stuff get big, practice using the F#ck it bucket.
When something bothers you, filter it thru the question "is this something that truly matters? Is this about normal human stuff? Or a bigger relational pattern I need to address?"
And if it's just the banal annoying things of being imperfect, throw it in the bucket and focus on gratitude for all the wonderful other things your person does to love you!
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Learn about the two sources that drive the desire to always be around people, natural extraversion and trauma response, and how recognizing the latter can help you find rest in solitude and process past relationships in this insightful video.
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In this video, you'll learn that anger is not dangerous, but can be triggering due to past experiences, and that we need to teach children (and ourselves) how to feel and share anger safely, rather than shaming them for it, by helping them uncover and communicate the underlying need.
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In this video, you'll learn that because we identify with our attachment loves, we are more likely to treat them the same way we treat ourselves, and that being more gentle with ourselves can lead to more kindness and generosity towards the people who matter most.
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