When you grow up with parents who neglect, or ignore, or dismiss your feelings, you know the pain of being DEVALUED. It's traumatic.
That trauma if left unprocessed though, can lead you to do a different kind of injury to your children. Idealizing them.
Because you were made to feel you could do no right, you can accidentally over-correct into treating your children as if they can do no wrong.
Which in the end makes them ill equipped to navigate the unavoidable mistakes they will make in life. (and lead to their life partners being mad at you for never holding your children accountable and them having to be the one to break the illusion of their "perfectness". )
The opposite of devaluing a child, is adoring them WHILE guiding them and helping them learn what is and is not pro-social behavior. They need you to create boundaries and limits to protect them, and then be compassionate with their feelings, but not indulgent with every request.
The grown ups that I see who felt idealized as children don't usually feel happy about that experience either. It usually feels smothering and like they have to hide the true more complex sides of themselves to keep up the image you have of them.
.webp){kind=avatar}
Discover the importance of connection and presence in parenting, and how modeling rather than molding can help build a strong and resilient relationship with your children in this heartwarming and insightful video.
.webp){kind=avatar}
In this video, the speaker shares how their mother broke the cycle of attachment trauma by letting go of guilt and control, leading to a loving and secure relationship that transcended generations of abuse.
Discover evidence-based techniques for helping children process traumatic events in a healthy way, including encouraging them to tell their story and avoiding avoidance, with guidance from expert Dr. Dan Siegel and clinical experience.
%402x.svg){kind=icon}