With all of the various forms of parenting advice out there it can be overwhelming to know what you're supposed to do in tricky moments.
Here is a breakdown of 4 different parenting mindsets to help you identify choices based on your actual parenting goals.
1. Power and control mindset "my job is to teach you to submit"
2. Behavioral mindset "my job is to teach you how to act"
3. Permissive mindset "my job is to make you feel comfortable"
4. Attachment mindset "my job is to be a secure base and a safe haven for you to use as I guide you as you grow and learn about the world"
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
In this video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of attuning to children's inner world to build a secure attachment and suggests occasionally checking in with kids about their needs for love and affection, particularly during developmental leaps, to ensure that the love we give them is getting through in the way we intend it to.
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In this heartwarming video, a gate attendant at Denver International Airport demonstrates the incredible power of empathy and patience in de-escalating a tense situation during a 6.5 hour flight delay, highlighting how accepting and understanding a child's emotions (and an adult's) can prevent dangerous behavioral responses and soothe their nervous systems.
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