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Guide Overview


A brief overview of the guide and how to use it
February 24, 2023
Summary Notes

Welcome to the Secure Parent Guide

Goal: to help parents understand 3 important concepts for offering their child a secure relational experience

3 components for a secure relationship with a child:

- Understanding how own childhood affected them

- Skillset for maternal/paternal sensitivity (ability to read child's emotions)

- Capacity to offer comfort and support to regulate child's nervous system

End goal: to have a deep internal understanding of personal development in each of these areas

Note: being a perfect parent is not necessary, just need to be good enough for the child to rely on most of the time

Emphasis on ongoing learning as children's needs and development are constantly changing.

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 Welcome to the Secure Parent Guide. I am so glad that you are here with me. This is probably the most important type of learning that you can do to help prepare your children for the world. The goal of this guide is to help you understand three really important concepts and what it means to offer your child a secure relational experience.

With you. These three components are the skills necessary in order to allow your child to experience comfort in your presence, and therefore for you to be a safe haven for their tender emotions. And then to feel so comfortable in that space to be able to launch off of you out into the world, so you will function as a safe haven that becomes a secure base.

And these three things that you need to get there are a solid understanding of how your own childhood affected you. Specific in those moments of tenderness and need. Two, the skillset for what we call maternal or paternal sensitivity. The ability to accurately pick up on and read the cues and emotions that are inside of your child, their internal state.

It. And three, the capacity to offer comfort and support that is effective in bringing your child's nervous system back down to a place of calm when they have been excited, upset in some way. Dysregulated. I don't mean half excited, I mean like nervous system. Excited. At the end of this guide, I want you to have a solid understanding of what you personally need to do in each of those three arenas.

Now, it doesn't mean you're gonna finish this guide and kabosh you're. It means you're gonna have a deep internal idea of where you're heading and what you're developing, and even if you get to a place where you feel really confident in your ability to do all three of these things. . I wanna honor the fact that as parents, there is this ever-changing need and development in our children.

And so we are always learning. I say this because I know a lot of you all are extremely hard on yourselves. And so when you go into a task like this, you are gonna be the perfect secure parent. And what I want you to know is there is very solid research that says our kids actually don't need us to be that.

They just need us to do these things at a good enough level that they can rely on us the majority of the time. So let's do this.