Sometimes there isn't time to let the feelings all out. Our kids have big emotional resistance to things that need to happen right then.
Specifically I am asked this the most about toddlers and car seats. "What am I supposed to do when we have to get somewhere and my toddler isn't cooperating and all the connection tips aren't working to get them to leave willingly?"
I call this Compassionate Transportation.
I do it when my kid is lacking self control and someone else is getting hurt, or when they are near a road and not backing away quickly, or when I have to be at work and have no flexible window etc. I focus on keeping my body calm and empathetic while I put my child where they need to be.
It is painful. For both of us. But we repair and we process it later. And their trust in my capacity to handle their feelings isn't damaged.
When a child's brain chemistry is too flooded to cooperate but safety or urgent timing are at hand, you can hold a boundary without punishment, or shaming or harsh energy.
You care about what they are feeling while you compassionately transport their body to where it needs to be. Then they can let out all the feelings and you can repair and reconnect once the flood of neurochemicals settle.
Model for them your own consent process, and help them deeply understand the nuance of desire
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Learn how to set compassionate limits with your child in a way that benefits their brain development and reduces reactive responses to emotions, with the timing varying depending on factors such as age, hunger, and consistency.
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