Empathy is learned through RECEIVING empathy, and being surrounded by people who MODEL empathy, not thru being instructed to say "I'm sorry".
Here's how to guide a child when something they have done is hurtful to someone else.
1. Connect with them about the feelings that drove their behavioral choice
2. Model empathy for the person who was impacted by their actions
3. Collaborate with them to brainstorm repair and help them execute that repair
Rinse and Repeat. Hundreds of times.
The ability to be accountable for our actions and empathetic to the people who were negatively impacted is a highly complex emotional skill that takes time to learn. How many grown ups do you know that do it well? Most people were told to "say sorry" without any training on the complex process truly involved in taking accountability and making repairs.
Learn about the brain-based shift happening in teenagers and why they may seem less interested in their parents, but still rely on them, in this fascinating neuroscience study.
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In this video, the speaker shares how their mother broke the cycle of attachment trauma by letting go of guilt and control, leading to a loving and secure relationship that transcended generations of abuse.
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Avoid focusing too much on fairness when teaching kids, as it can create a belief that good behavior is always rewarded and bad behavior is always punished, leading to the dangerous belief that they deserve any trauma they experience, instead use relational motivation to guide them towards making good choices.
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