When we are asking our children to change their behavior or understand the impact of their behavior we are creating neural patterns for them.
If we use punishment we are creating shame, fear and pain connections to the experience of being asked to change or grow.
These neural networks then get activated in other relationships making it hard to be receptive to change or to feedback from people in our lives.
When we use teaching focused methods instead of control focused methods our children can learn without feeling yucky about growth.
Gentle teaching doesn't make weaker adults, it makes calmer more centered adults.
Check out "no drama discipline" by Dan Siegel , or peaceful parent happy kids by Dr Laura Markum for ideas on how to teach without punishment
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The most helpful way for a child to understand boundaries is to model it for them, and as parents, we should also honor some of our children's boundaries as well to protect connection and safety, not power.
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In this video, you'll learn how to guide children when they have hurt someone, by connecting with them about their feelings, modeling empathy for the person impacted, and collaborating with them to make repairs, as empathy is learned through receiving empathy and being surrounded by empathetic models.
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In this video, you'll learn that a securely attached young child expresses their distress, seeks proximity to their caregiver, and calms quickly, and that this pattern of express-seek-soothe can be seen throughout our lifespan, with teens seeking friends, adults seeking romantic partners or close friends, but always involving the freedom to have an emotional need, be close, and receive comfort at every stage of life.
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