Raising securely attached children is a beautiful thing and will protect them in innumerable ways.
But there is one thing that it does render them vulnerable to. That is people who are manipulative enough to pray upon their loyalty and love.
Securely attached people are remarkably compassionate and caring and don't want anyone to suffer.
So as parents we need to equip them with the knowledge of how to identify abuse in their lives AND what healthy mutual commitment is and isn't.
Especially for our girls who are targeted in tremendous ways by partners who seek control, make sure your kids know that leaving a bad situation is not abandoning someone.
I wanna tell you all why I am teaching all my children, but especially my daughters, that there is only one scenario in which an adult can abandon another adult. And that is if one of the adults is in the throes of death, they are hanging up a cliff or drowning in a river and the other adult is like, Oh crap.
Dancing with the stars is on, and they just bounce. Divorce, not abandonment. Quit a job not abandonment. Breaking up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, not a abandonment, why am I teaching them this? One of the primary tools people with controlling and abusive mindsets have is they play upon our human instinct to attach and to feel responsible for caring for one another.
And they manipulate you into staying in an abusive dynamic by making you feel like if you leave, you've abandoned them. This often happens in the form of threatening suicide. Teach them that if anyone is trying to hurt themselves or threatening suicide, you call 9 8 8, It's the non-police suicide hotline.
You get an ambulance there and you get help. Even if that makes that person upset, you're still not abandoning them. In fact, you're helping them. Sometimes you do that and they still hurt themselves, but you didn't abandon them to that self. In fact, if you were to stay in a relationship where someone is deeply harming you physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, you would be in that exact one scenario because you would be leaving yourself in the hands of an unsafe situation and not getting help.
I wanna tell you all why I am teaching all my children, but especially my daughters, that there is only one scenario in which an adult can abandon another adult. And that is if one of the adults is in the throes of death, they are hanging up a cliff or drowning in a river and the other adult is like, Oh crap.
Dancing with the stars is on, and they just bounce. Divorce, not abandonment. Quit a job not abandonment. Breaking up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, not a abandonment, why am I teaching them this? One of the primary tools people with controlling and abusive mindsets have is they play upon our human instinct to attach and to feel responsible for caring for one another.
And they manipulate you into staying in an abusive dynamic by making you feel like if you leave, you've abandoned them. This often happens in the form of threatening suicide. Teach them that if anyone is trying to hurt themselves or threatening suicide, you call 9 8 8, It's the non-police suicide hotline.
You get an ambulance there and you get help. Even if that makes that person upset, you're still not abandoning them. In fact, you're helping them. Sometimes you do that and they still hurt themselves, but you didn't abandon them to that self. In fact, if you were to stay in a relationship where someone is deeply harming you physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, you would be in that exact one scenario because you would be leaving yourself in the hands of an unsafe situation and not getting help.
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The myth that comforting your child will "spoil" them is not only emotionally harmful but also creates an altered brain state that leads to higher levels of stress and mental illness in adulthood, giving them compassion and comfort will only help them develop a healthier brain function.
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In this relatable and comforting video, parents are reminded to focus on minimizing damage and staying calm during meltdowns, even when they go viral, and to practice compassion towards themselves and others during these challenging times.
Hey there! In this video, I'm sharing a personal story about how I learned the importance of fixing things in parent-child relationships. I talk about owning up to my mistakes, listening to my kid's feelings, and making things right. Remember, it's okay to mess up; just be patient and don't be too hard on yourself. We're all in this together!
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