This repost from early last year is for all of you who ask me the very important question of "how" do I help my child process their feelings. Follow these three tips regularly when your children are feeling the feels and watch them learn to trust you and connect to you in deeper and more satisfying ways for you both.
When you respond to their emotional pain and dysregulation with calm compassion, their nervous system absorbs your support and their brain can switch from a neurochemistry of panic or despair or shame into a neurochemistry of connection and safety.
P.s. I forgot to add captions but this video is on my page in my earliest videos WITH captions.. so if you are deaf or hard of hearing or have a sleeping baby on you, or are taking a mental health break at the office...scroll down until you see me in my blue 1987 Broncos sweatshirt
All right. Three tips for helping a kid calm down faster. One, make your body smaller. Get down on their level, their amygdala. The part of the brain that senses danger will calm down faster if it doesn't seem like there is someone three times their size trying to get them to do something. Two. Show empathy on your face.
If a child can tell that you are receiving what they feel, it will help them feel less alone and less worried that they will be misunderstood or cast out. This is a blank face. When children are upset, they register blank faces as threats, so your face needs to look like this. The number one reason I am not getting Botox.
Use your voice as a soothing instrument to help them tell that you are calm and you are there. It honestly doesn't even matter what you're saying. You could just say and repeat. I'm here. I'm here. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. And their brain will start to send signals of safety and as it starts to send signals of safety, they will get their thinking brain back.
Then and only then you can have a conversation. Don't try to fix it before. Best of luck. Big feelings are hard. You got this.
All right. Three tips for helping a kid calm down faster. One, make your body smaller. Get down on their level, their amygdala. The part of the brain that senses danger will calm down faster if it doesn't seem like there is someone three times their size trying to get them to do something. Two. Show empathy on your face.
If a child can tell that you are receiving what they feel, it will help them feel less alone and less worried that they will be misunderstood or cast out. This is a blank face. When children are upset, they register blank faces as threats, so your face needs to look like this. The number one reason I am not getting Botox.
Use your voice as a soothing instrument to help them tell that you are calm and you are there. It honestly doesn't even matter what you're saying. You could just say and repeat. I'm here. I'm here. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. And their brain will start to send signals of safety and as it starts to send signals of safety, they will get their thinking brain back.
Then and only then you can have a conversation. Don't try to fix it before. Best of luck. Big feelings are hard. You got this.
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In this video, you'll learn the shAmeBC's for helping someone you love navigate the painful emotional state of shame by acknowledging their feelings, buffering them with calmness and presence, and connecting with them in an authentic human way to help them feel worthy and not alone.
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The myth that comforting your child will "spoil" them is not only emotionally harmful but also creates an altered brain state that leads to higher levels of stress and mental illness in adulthood, giving them compassion and comfort will only help them develop a healthier brain function.
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In this video, you'll learn that human beings are wired to co-regulate, and that words like "come here" or "I am here" used with gentleness and compassion can be deeply soothing and help our loved ones know that their emotional needs are not a burden to us.
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