When you grow up with parents who neglect, or ignore, or dismiss your feelings, you know the pain of being DEVALUED. It's traumatic.
That trauma if left unprocessed though, can lead you to do a different kind of injury to your children. Idealizing them.
Because you were made to feel you could do no right, you can accidentally over-correct into treating your children as if they can do no wrong.
Which in the end makes them ill equipped to navigate the unavoidable mistakes they will make in life. (and lead to their life partners being mad at you for never holding your children accountable and them having to be the one to break the illusion of their "perfectness". )
The opposite of devaluing a child, is adoring them WHILE guiding them and helping them learn what is and is not pro-social behavior. They need you to create boundaries and limits to protect them, and then be compassionate with their feelings, but not indulgent with every request.
The grown ups that I see who felt idealized as children don't usually feel happy about that experience either. It usually feels smothering and like they have to hide the true more complex sides of themselves to keep up the image you have of them.
.webp){kind=avatar}
Parenting can be tough, but taking a minute to reflect on your long-term goals and imagining your kids as adults can help guide your decisions and strengthen your relationship with them - remember to be kind to yourself and hold onto the vision.
In this video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of attuning to children's inner world to build a secure attachment and suggests occasionally checking in with kids about their needs for love and affection, particularly during developmental leaps, to ensure that the love we give them is getting through in the way we intend it to.
.webp){kind=avatar}
In this video, you'll be reminded that your parenting journey is unique and that you should focus on doing your best, seeking support, and being compassionate with yourself, rather than comparing yourself to others or trying to live up to impossible standards. So take heart, keep going, and keep loving those incredible littles of yours!
%402x.svg){kind=icon}