If you grow up in a home where dominance is valued, it can be very confusing to know how to react when your children are defying your wishes or agenda.
The key is to not getting sucked into the old instinct to grab for power. Kids aren't grabbing for dominance (unless that has been modeled), they are struggling to think clearly or over tired or over hungry or have a need they don't know how to express.
When defiance shows up, remember not to seek compliance, and instead to seek connection. Get curious about what they are needing and use a spirit of compassion to work with your child instead of against them.
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The difference between consequences and punishment is important to understand, as consequences are the natural outcome of an action and necessary for learning, while punishments are intentional pain inflicted to control behavior, which can damage the parent-child relationship and hinder a child's growth towards internal security.
Discover evidence-based techniques for helping children process traumatic events in a healthy way, including encouraging them to tell their story and avoiding avoidance, with guidance from expert Dr. Dan Siegel and clinical experience.
The idea of toughening up your children to deal with the world only makes you their first bully, stripping them of their sense of belonging with you; treat your children with respect and connection so that they instinctively protect themselves from unkind and cruel treatment.
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