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“Your posts have helped me so much with how I parent my child. I have gained so much insight into my own behavior and actionable ways to modify it when communicating with my child.”
“You are the BEST thing that has happened to our family since having children. Thank you for sharing your knowledge so that my family could find its footing and thrive!”
“I was constantly overwhelmed by my mother's advice and a little girl that needed my patience and compassion. You are helping me EVERYDAY to be the Mom that I needed and the Mom that my heart tells me to be. My connection with my daughter has never been closer.”
“But what you do is SIMPLIFY the information, it makes it easier to process and put into actions. I have been a muchhhh beter mother after listening to you!!”
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“It's changing the way I parent and it reinforces the relationship and trauma work I've already been working on. It complements my efforts and it brings me so much relief knowing I am not alone in this and having frequent reminders so I don't forget what is important to me. Thank you so much Eli!”
“You are helping me setting my boundaries as a person, as a family of 4, and your suggestion on gentle parenting are inspiring.”
Together, let's raise our children with heartfelt connection and confidence
What does “Attachment” mean and who does it relate to?
Attachment science is the scientific study of close relationships, beginning with the early dynamics between infants and their caregivers. Human beings are wired with an instinct to form close attachment relationships throughout our lifespan in order to help us survive and thrive.
This research tradition began in the 1960s with John Bowlby, Harry Harlow, and Mary Ainsworth (and likely more unnamed diverse thinkers who did not get credit), and has continued to be studied across the human lifespan and all across the globe.
What we have found consistent in the research is the idea that the way a child is responded to (or not) throughout their developmental years has a strong effect on their social, emotional, and even physical health at later stages.
Through this research clear categories have been defined to explain the varying patterns that children adopt in order to adapt to the level of nurture, responsiveness, and effectiveness their caregivers are able to give them.
To keep this from getting too nerdy, the most important thing to understand is that an attachment pattern can be “secure” or ‘insecure” based on the relationship dynamic.
Attachment Nerd’s ultimate goal is to help you learn secure patterns of relating and apply them to your parenting, partnering, friendships, and self-understanding.
While there are components of this parenting approach that are supported by the attachment research (such as the idea that babies need soothing and proximity to caregivers), there are recommendations that are not correlated by the attachment theory research. For instance, you do not need to breastfeed or bed share for your child to have a secure attachment.
If you have loved this approach to parenting, the Attachment Nerd approach will still work for you, as it is focused on the more complex nuances of emotional attunement and connection.
If you have had a bad taste in your mouth about Attachment Parenting, know that what Attachment Nerd delivers is a different philosophy and focus.
A therapist told me I have an insecure attachment. Is that a diagnosis?
It is not! Your attachment pattern is not a mental illness or a permanent label. It is a description of how you learned to relate based on your previous relationships (esp those in childhood, but later relationships can also impact for better or worse your patterns of attachment).
There is wonderful evidence (and I have seen it in my own life and the lives of hundreds of my clients), that we can transform our insecure patterns into secure patterns in our romantic, parenting, and friendship patterns.
Can I book Eli to be my therapist or coach? Or how else can I interact with her?
Eli is not currently taking on individual coaching or therapy clients, but you can interact with her by joining the Attachment Nerd Herd Membership and attending the monthly virtual topic presentations and Q&A events.
She puts on two in-person workshops each year that are limited to 25 attendees, so this is also a great way to get more direct support from her. Check out the section on Attachment Camps here.
She has also formed a team of highly curated clinicians and coaches that you can work with at www.attachmentlabs.com.
What is Attachment Nerd's Mission?
To help people learn how to cultivate secure close relationships with their kids, partners, and friends.
To support individuals in healing and recovery from insecure or traumatic attachment experiences in both childhood and adulthood.
To empower expecting and new parents with the information needed to start a secure attachment experience with their children from day one.
To guide parents with older children towards repair and transformation in their relationships to their children if they did not have this information previously.
To offer couples a clear path towards developing a safe, healthy, and deeply satisfying partnership relationship.
Who Is This For? What Age Child?
Our membership is tailored to support parents and grandparents in raising happy and well-rounded children.
From managing toddler behavior to understanding teenage challenges, we also offer guidance for healing from past traumas and parenting wounds, setting boundaries, and dealing with co-parenting conflicts.
- Healing from your own traumas - Healing from past parenting wounds - Managing anger and maintaining composure - Breaking the cycle of toddler hitting and grabbing. - Helping a child cope with frustration and emotional outbursts - Setting and keeping boundaries - Unlocking the mystery of your child's behavior at home vs. school. - Easing separation anxiety and disliking school. - Building resilience in your bullied child - Navigating the challenges of parenting tweens and teenagers - Teaching children about healthy competition and self-worth. - Elevating your teenager's self-esteem - Preventing sexual abuse and having "the talk" - Dealing with co-parenting conflicts - Managing dysregulation in couples and parenting - Recovering from a tragic event - Grandparents looking for ways to engage with adult children - Navigate giving advice and different parenting strategies - Grandparenting advice and techniques
Is There A Free Trial Or Refund Policy?
We want you to be completely satisfied with your membership, which is why we offer a 30-day love it or let us know money-back guarantee. If within the first 30 days of your membership, you're not satisfied with the content or the program, you can request a full refund. No questions asked
What is Eli’s favorite vegetable?
Ok. You’re right. No one ever asks that question. And certainly not with frequency. But the answer is The Beet. The rooted, red, beautiful beet. When roasted. With some good cheese and a vinaigrette and maybe some nuts. K. Bye.